Silence. Have you ever thought about silence? Does it really exists?
I couldn't sleep last night. My mind wandered and strong thoughts kept me awake. The monotonous buzzing of the fridge made me nervous and so I took my jacket and went out on a midnight walk. My eyes easily got used to the darkness. It gets never really dark here. The world is enlightened by the stars, the pale light of the moon and if you are lucky enough in clear nights even by the intense colours of aurora borealis. The snow brightens the landscape reflecting any kind of light. Behind the trees that surround the farm you can see the lights of the Ski Resort Ruka in the distance.
Last night I wandered down to the lane behind the reindeer paddock where the dogs run during the day. The silent lightness of the nighty air blurred my insistent inner flow of thoughts and sharpened my sense of hearing. And I heard it: silence. Nothing. I felt so small. Just me and the rhythmic up and down of my breath. No dog barked, no rattling of the chains, no lights (Standing behind the trees I couldn't see the lights from Ruka over there), not even wind...It was so quite that I thought I might hear the snowflakes falling. The moon was hiding behind the clouds, but alternately I could find a gaze. It was mind-blowing. Somehow out of time, as if time got frozen like anything else around me.
Back in the house a cacophony of sounds welcomed me: I heard once again the fridge humming, the murmuring of the heater, rushing water in the pipes of the radiator, the beat of my steps dulled by the carpet. The tap in the kitchen still leaks and the bright sound of the dripping water drops raised me a smile. Somebody has blocked it with a tight red strap in order to hush it. But the tap didn't give up yet. While I listened to the creaking of the steps climbing up the scale to my bed its astonishing loudness woke up my thoughts. Normally my home is the most silent place to hide. The permanent exposure to noise caused by traffic, people, advertisements, screens, background music in every shop, elevator, supermarket was part of my daily life so far. It was so loud outside that I didn't even recognize anymore the sounds in my quiet home. Here it is viceversa: The outer world is my source of calmness, at least by night, not my accommodation. I guess I will feel a bit lost back in Berlin or Tallinn captured in thousand sounds and a real flood of impressions, lights, pictures.
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| What are you waiting for? Let's run! |
In my first days I just followed the team trying not to disturb, but being somehow usefull - with modest success. Most of the time I spent waiting for orders and watching. Often people forgot about me. Talking in Finnish they organized the daily work, forgetting sometimes that I 'm, unfortunately, not able yet to follow their discussions. I asked a couple of times for clarification getting short, but always friendly answers. Some of the team members don't speak English at all, which limits our communication to gestures and smiles. They often at least start to make them understood by gestures, but breaking up soon - often it is easier and faster to get things done by themselves then taking the time to explain to me. I started to study seriously Finnish to be able to communicate at least somehow. It's hard to get into a seasoned team, which actually doesn't really seem to need my help. But I got the faint suspicions that things are about to change now. I have to learn a lot of things and someone seems finally willing to explain (in English!) claiming my full attention and expecting me to learn fast and work even harder. He forces me to wake up and clear my mind. My motivation was about to flag a little bit. I need an incentive and here he is: back from his well-deserved holiday in Spain, perfectly taned and smiling the whole day! Challenge accepted! I will not disappoint him! :)
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| The Nordic way to keep flowers fresh... |
My knee seems really not ok. I got scared by the my trusted physician..Hopefully it's nothing serious!
I wondered if it is possible to kiss when it is about - 30 °C outside. Do the lips freeze together...?
Knowledge of the day: "Train hard you must. A lot to learn you have, young Padawan." May the force be with me!
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